7 Steps for Divorcing an Abuser - When you Share Children
Seek Counseling
for both You and Your Children
Seek Counseling for both You and your Children
A consistent, well educated counselor, either in-person or online @ Online-Therapy will be your best investment throughout the custody and divorce processes. You must strengthen your mental muscle for what is to come. When you share a marriage commitment and children, you have legal obligations and agreements that must be worked through irrespective of abuse. Due to the circumstances you will continue to endure a significant amount of emotional, physical, and mental stress. Seeking help before, during, and after the processes will be crucial for you and your children's well being. You can find help in-person or online @ Online-Therapy.
immediately Set up Child Support
w/ Domestic Relations
immediately Set up Child Support w/ Domestic Relations
Do not refuse child support. Parents (abusive or not) are financially responsible for their children until 18 years of age, by law. This step establishes boundaries and reinforces accountability. Domestic Relations will calculate support based on salary and number of children. They will then give you the opportunity to keep or lessen the amount. This is important to know because your abuser may try to sway you into a lesser amount using emotional manipulation. Avoid their manipulation by refusing to use traditional communication methods and communicate only through a co-parenting application such as, Our Family Wizard . Keep in mind, any exceptional attorney would tell you, DO NOT LESSEN IT. You need to think of your children and their health insurance, medical costs, mental health coverage, and future needs. If you want to prepare a budget, I recommend starting with a budget planner such as Erin Condren's Financial Planner it includes all the essential's in addition to a positive message during a difficult time.
Hire an EXCEPTIONAL attorney
NOT just a good one
Hire an Exceptional Attorney
Mediators are not for you! You must hire an exceptional attorney not just a good one. Mediators are reserved for non-abusive individuals that can hold respectful conversations regarding possessions, finances, and custody. Keep in mind, abusers may attempt to use emotional manipulation to coerce you into a mediator. DO NOT AGREE. Their ability to further abuse is in question and as read in Fists to Flowers you can understand authentic change does not happen overnight. For this reason, you must enroll legal professionals specializing in Domestic Abuse. Learn what to look for in Chris Dunnaville's, Guide to Finding and Hiring a Wining Divorce Attorney. To get ahead of the process familiarize yourself with the legal documentation required in a divorce @ Legal Nature.
draft your abuse history
Draft your Abuse History
Your word is important. What happened to you is relevant and every detail plays a role in your case. Be as specific as possible. Efficient note taking is ideal. My go to is Rocketbook. Reliving your history is emotionally taxing. It will cause feelings of grief, sadness, anger, fear, anxiety and more. I highly recommend you enlist the support of friends, family, coworkers, and/or counselors that can be on-call while you complete your draft. Find a counselor in-person or online @ Online-Therapy.
start using a coparenting communication tool immediately
Start Using a Co-parenting Communication Tool Immediately
Your abuser may consider communication as an opportunity to continue their abuse. You do not have to allow it. You have the power to immediately begin refusing current communication tools and rerouting all communication to a co-parenting communication application such as Our Family Wizard. By utilizing an application such as Our Family Wizard, you will be replacing text, phone calls, emails, and direct messaging. This application will provide a categorized, recorded, and time stamped communication, that is viable in court. Not only will this establish boundaries, it will reinforce accountability.
take current notes
Take Current Notes
Anything and everything your abuser does towards you or your children that you find concerning, write it down. My go to is Rocketbook. DO NOT rely on your memory. Your attorney and the court need as much detail as possible. Downloading the Rocketbook application will allow you to quickly transfer you notes with ease to your attorney.
seek employment or start your own business
Seek Employment or Start Your Own Business
Employment is an incredibly important step. Now, possibly more than ever, you will feel the drive to prove you can handle life as a newly single parent, provide for your children, and regain control of your future. Employment will gift you with the self assurance needed, as well as the means to accomplish this. If you have limited opportunities to work a standard 9-5 you can look into creating your own business. For two great quick start options consider either owning your own Network Marketing business such as Arbonne, or designing your own blog with a simple webpage, the proper business licensing and a shareasale account.